Woa, Thursday

Dear Chicago,

Today was one for the books. I'll start from the beginning because I don't want to miss a thing. Not a single thing.

It started off with the exterminator. He was a good guy- gives weak handshakes but ya can't win them all you know? So he arrived because there is a mouse issue. Turns out Mr. Exterminator also was asked to spray for spiders. Sounds good. Spray those spiders. Get em real good. Didn't think anything of it.

So the morning was chill- the baby napped while little girl and I played. We played My Little Pony and when I say played, I mean we brushed their manes. Oh and we did this all while watching the Flinstones. It was ideal.

Then baby woke up, we all ate lunch, and then we headed out to the petting zoo- woo! So we pulled out of the driveway and it began to rain.

Why? Because when else would it rain, duh. But it worked out because it stopped when we arrived at the petting zoo/duck pond- ideal. So we get out of the car and immediately we were hit with the wind. Out of nowhere. I curled my hair and everything! I know you know what I'm saying buhcuz we hate the wind.

We quickly ran to the goats- little man was mesmerized. Of course there were no other people around, so we had the goats' undivided attention. Little girl ran up to the fence with like eight goats facing her and jumping over one another to get as close as possible. She threw her hands to her sides, stomped her little foot, and shouted, "WOA! CALM DOWN EVERYONE!"

I giggled quietly. And then little man ran to the pig. You remember- the pig that bit my finger. I kept my distance. Can't trust no pig.

Little girl was excited to see the rest of the animals so she ran down the sidewalk and quickly returned, eyes wide and she announced "OH MA GOSH. THERE'S A HUGE DUCK COMIN".

And I was all, yes- a duck? We love ducks! How cute. Think of the Instas. Little man with a duck? YES PLEASE. And little girl tends to be pretty dramatic but I was sort of alarmed that she seemed so alarmed. But the instas!

So I started to walk toward the sidewalk when suddenly there was a swan rounding the corner toward me. And I stopped. And he stopped. And we looked at each other and then he took a few more steps toward me and little girl shouted, "THERE'S THAT DUCK".

Little man, hearing the excitement in her voice, turned and saw this giant duck and immediately took off in the swan's direction. Luckily I was close enough to stop him because the swan, sensing little man's excitement, immediately took a rather aggressive stance and kinda cocked his head all funny as little man approached. Little man was very upset with me. I tried to explain to him that I was saving him from having his head bitten off. He wasn't having it.

Little girl ran away and kept shouting "DID YOU SEE DAT DUCK?" The funniest part was that she was convinced it was a duck. Dat ain't no swan. Dat's a duck giant!

I wanted to steer around the duck and explore the rest of the animals but the swan continued to stand in our direct path. He left us no choice but to head back to the parking lot and go home. He was literally guarding the rest of the animals. The jerk. And no, I wasn't brave and I didn't try anything because swans look like geese and have you ever had a goose start hissing and screaming at you? Because that's a terrifying experience (I'm lookin at you, Meredith) and I wasn't down for frightening the children.

The children!

So we went to the library instead. It was cold anyway, stupid swan.

The library was fairly uneventful. The funniest thing was that little girl was trying so hard to get one of the older library volunteers to say hello to her. I think the woman was really focused and so she had no idea that little girl was talking to her. I tried to explain to little girl that maybe the lady couldn't hear her or maybe the lady was busy doing her job and therefore unavailable to chat. This just made little girl more determined.Whatever. I can confirm that little girl was not successful in any of her attempts.

We went home and the kids both went straight to nap time. And then the dog had a seizure.

That's right. A seizure. Baby mama had mentioned briefly on my first day that the dog has epilepsy- meaning she has random seizures- so I asked her what I should do if one were ever to occur and she told me she'd show me but then a kid probably cried or needed food or something so we never went over details. And then today the dog had a seizure.

One minute she was napping on the couch beside me and the next she was trying to crawl behind the armchair in the corner- a spot that perhaps a small child could crawl into. Not a full grown dog.

So I was all- dog, what are you doing? I called baby mama and said- so you mentioned that the dog has seizures... let's talk about that.

Turns out that when she seizes someone has to give her Vicodin. Rectally. Ya.

Praise the good Lord, grandma was home. And grandma has done this all before. And grandma lives 2 minutes away. So grandma rushed in as I'm freaking out because you know I love dogs and this dog is the sweetest dog and she's in pain and my heart is breaking.

Grandma immediately is all- "Oh good, it's not a bad one for your first one. She won't need this one in her butt." Oh, phew. So the next one then? Great.

So we got the dog calmed down. She got her Vicodin, ate like three bowls of food and drank a gallon of water and she was good to go. Grandma said that it only happens like once every two or three months. Fabulous.

And then the spiders. Big girl got off the bus and she and little girl and the neighbor girl headed to the basement to play. The basement is their playroom. The basement also has a room that is unfinished that baby daddy uses as his poker room. The basement is also where the exterminator focused a majority of his time.

So the girls are playing nicely and I'm cooking dinner when all of a sudden... screaming. Shrieking. Cries of terror. Being the good nanny that I am, I walked quickly to the staircase and shouted down, "Everybody okay down there?"

"CAITLYN KILL IT. IT'S THE BIGGEST SPIDER. IT'S LIKE A TARANTULA."

Oh dear. "Can you step on it?"

"NO, I CAN'T STEP ON IT. IT'S GOING TO EAT ME. IT'S A TARANTULA!"

Crap. "Yes, I understand. It's not gonna eat you. Where is it?"

"ON THE STEPS. WE'RE GOING TO BE TRAPPED DOWN HERE FOREVER."

 

So I grabbed the broom and went tarantula hunting. I was terrified. But last week this happened also and it was a spider the size of a dime. So I wasn't actually thinking I'd find a tarantula. But still, spider. And then I saw it and I nearly peed myself. That mother was huge. Half spider, half grasshopper, wholly disgusting. And it jumped. So it jumped off the steps when I was approaching with the broom and the girls lost their ish. The screaming resumed. And instead of just hanging around, they opened the door to the poker room, ran in, and slammed the door shut behind them.

Now I mentioned before that the exterminator had spent a lot of time in the basement, particularly the poker room. Because it was unfinished. So they slammed the door and I thought to myself- this isn't going to end well. See he sprayed for the spiders which dad always told me makes the bugs come out of hiding but then they die. So ya, this wasn't going to be good.

Seconds later, the screaming resumed.

"IT'S IN HERE. IT FOLLOWED US IN HERE." Perfect. There's more than one of these spider hybrids. I mean the screaming. The shrieking. Then the crying. Sobbing. Straight up sobbing. And like heck I was going to go down there with the one spider/grasshopper somewhere on the stairs!

"WE'RE GONNA DIE DOWN HERE. I DON'T WANNA DIE DOWN HERE."
I eventually shouted loud enough to remind them that there was an outdoor exit from the poker room. Soon they were running into the house, big girl immediately flew straight into my arms with tears streaming down her face. I held her as she softly sobbed into my shoulder. She leaned back and looked at me and said, "Caitlyn, I can't wait til daddy gets home. I can't live like this."

Same. But then the neighbor girl needed to go home and she left her coat, shoes, socks, and toys in the basement. The war zone.

That was the hardest thing I had to do all day. And I had to face the idea of shooting Vicodin into a seizing dog's rectum. But I'm pleased to announce that the coat, shoes, socks, and toys were all retrieved without incident.

All that to say, I think it's time that I got serious about adding a man to my life.

Now seeking life partner. Must be male between the ages of 25-35. Must love Jesus, children, and dogs. Must be willing to medicate dogs rectally. Must have a job. Must also love killing spiders and always be available to kill spiders.

I'm not picky.

Also, while I was cooking dinner I dropped my ring into a pot of boiling spaghettios. Big girl saw and said, "Awww Caitlyn. Your ring."

True. My ring. Then I went to find my cup of water and big girl found it and said, "Caitlyn is this your cup? It has stuffing in it."

 

Awesome.

Happy Thursday!

xoxo

I Think it Goes...

This is my 72nd post, can you believe that? 

Seems like just yesterday I was stressing over the fact that I was a college freshman, could not for the life of me think of a blog title, was worried that biology was going to ruin me, and confused with the fact that North Carolina which, contrary to its name, is actually a very southern state. 

North Carolina is the south. 

It's the real Carolina. 

(Or so I've been told.)

But here we are, on the home stretch and we now have 72 posts under our belt. 

Well, I have 72 posts under my belt. 

Not quite sure what you have. But the chances of you having 72 posts as well is highly unlikely.

And yes, the post title today is a lyric from a One Direction song. 

Best Song Ever. 

Look it up. 

Memorize it. 

Think of me- because it's fantastic. 

They're fantastic. 

You know what is frustrating me right now? My chair. 

This chair came with the room- it was a package deal- because believe me, if I had a choice (and a few extra bucks) I would have gotten myself a chair with an adjustable height lever. 

I seriously feel like I'm sitting on my desk rather than my chair. 

Talk about your neck-aches. 

I learned about ergonomics in Office Skills during my senior year of high school (shout-out to you, Mrs Wenger) and let me tell you... this chair/desk set-up has very terrible ergonomics. I may have just used that word in a very wrong context, but I don't believe I have used it in four years, so give me a break. 

I couldn't tell you many other legitimate terms from that class, but I do remember ergonomics for some strange reason. 

I remember the most random things. 

Like in Earth Science last year, for some reason the term "Albedo" was drilled into my memory. 

So now every time it snows or rains or something I'm all, "Hey mom, did you know snow and rain have a high albedo and that's why when it's raining or snowing you squint?" 

I'm such a random nerd. 

I think I may have referenced the albedo thing in a previous post. So sorry for the repetition but it just fit so perfectly and I couldn't help myself. 

Want to know what else is random? 

I have a box of Honey Bunches of Oats on my desk. Right beside me. 

Our cupboards are way too full. 

Food runneth over. 

This was the first year ever that I went home for Labor Day Weekend- isn't that good news? 

Lynda texted and was all, "Wanna go home?" So I responded with, "Duh." 

And it was settled. 

We drove up Friday night- that was exciting. 

Did you know they sell Turkey Hill in Raleigh now? They totes do and I was very excited about that. 

So I had a Turkey Hill tea to sip on in the car. That's basically irrelevant but you know- I'm an open book, baby. 

I took a couple of videos of Carter trying to sing all the lyrics to the pop station that we found in DC. They won't upload on here though, so you'll have to use your imagination. 

And if you're ever near me just ask and I'll show you. 

But it was good to be home. It obviously went way too fast, but what are we going to do about that? 

We might cry, but that's about it. 

And then our eyes are puffy and gross, our nose is nasty, and people think we're crazy.

Not that we care about what people think, but we also don't want to be ostracized by society. 

That's a whole other story. 

Anyway- the Blank family (minus the Randy Blanks) met up at Lapp Valley for a taste of the best ice cream on the planet. 

We also cuddled some 9 week old Yorkie puppies, considered buying a baby bunny for $10, watched a blind bulldog walk into a wall, and stared at some calves. 

This guy was borderline crazy. 

Do you see that eye? I think I may have gotten too close. 

But for real- this guy needs to learn to shut that eye. 

 

He's just going to freak people out with the intensity behind that eye. 

This cow was much calmer. 

She was all- "Oh we have company? Well they weren't invited and my legs are tired so I'm not standing up." 

 

It's a calf life. 

Aw shame, and MC took the cutest picture of the parentals. 

 

Dad told me not to mess with him after I asked if he got a vanilla ice-cream cone. 

I mean they have peanut-butter twirl, chocolate chip mint, and cookie dough. 

Nope. Vanilla for daddy-o. 

Then Daddy and MC boarded mom's new ride and rode on home. 

 

Mom's new toy is a 2013 Softtail. 

I would tell you the colors, but apparently I wasn't really listening to what Daddy was saying because I have no idea where to even begin. 

Metallic something? 

White? 

Good enough for me. 

Mom was all dramatic about riding before they get a windshield because apparently it's "Unbelievably loud" and "Unbearable" without a windshield. 

Drama. 

Just kidding mom! Totally kidding =D 

Dad loves riding his bikes so it doesn't take too much convincing to get him to break it in. 

Then the Blank family came over for an evening of hot-dogs on the fire, Aunt Darlene's tasty poppy-seed salad, pumpkin rolls from grandma, Aunt Lisa's perfect meadow tea, and Carter's ridiculously delicious kale chips. 

It was pretty fun. 

We missed Kyle, Vanessa and Alyson- boo. 

I sat down next to grandpa at one point and asked, "Hey Grandpa, we should probably take a selfie."

His response was, "I don't know how to selfie. Show me how to selfie, Cait." 

So we selfied.

He liked that he could see his face so he started to make it look funny. 

 

He's famous for throwing his head back and laughing harder than everyone else around. 

I love when I laugh like that- so hard that my head goes right on back. 

That's how I know I'm really happy. 

And I love, love, LOVE when he does it. 

 

Sam Brown (that's his Amish name- not even kidding) is officially a selfie pro. 

I'm not sure who it was (Uncle Randy) then shouted about taking a walk while it was pushing 3,000 degrees outside- so we leashed up the dogs and headed up the road. 

After making it this far (about 2 houses down from ours) we were all kind of wondering who suggested the walk, but no one was willing to take responsibility for the horribly awful suggestion. 

I sort of forget who was responsible too. 

(No I don't. It was Randy.)

Just kidding guys. We had a fun time.

 

It was just hot. 

Really hot. 

 

But we helped ourselves to the whole road and somehow that made the walk slightly more bearable. 

Then Jess and Jordan showed up, and we did this whole dramatic movie-scene run towards each other. 

No one was around to capture the moment, we were all running dramatically. 

But the lack of capture is a real shame because I'm sure we looked pretty hilarious. 

So to the kind folks of Kingsfield, you're welcome for the Saturday night entertainment. 

 

What else did we do over the weekend? Well no Amish lady donuts if that's what you're asking. 

But mom did make some PA style iced-tea. 

Not Southern, by any means. 

But still delicious and still one of my favorites. 

 

And then she makes it all fancy with her old-fashioned glasses and pitchers. 

She's just the cutest thing around. 

We also visited with Grandma Martin for a few hours on Sunday. 

She had knee-replacement surgery last week. 

But she's been a real champ- she's got spunk, that's for sure!

Her first question when I walked in was, "Do you want to see my knee?"

One word: Stitches. 

She's a real hero- strongest lady this side of the Welsh Mountain. 

No question. 

You keep doing your thing Grandma. 

She's going to set all sorts of records for healing and all that. 

No doubt. 

But the weekend is now long gone and I've been forced back into this weird routine where I wake up at 7am, two days a week, because I like to drink my coffee slowly and watch the news before I go to my 9:30 class. 

Who does that to themselves?

Latest happening: Caitlyn got her first Mr. Coffee. It's a beautiful relationship, really. 

 Mr. Coffee doesn't ask questions. 

Mr. Coffee understands. 

Mary Catherine laughs at me for waking up so early when it's not necessary. 

Hear me now: 

I don't care if you don't understand me, because most of the time I don't understand me. 

And now? Now I'm off to a meeting where they've promised to give important graduation information, to reveal our Cornhuskin' theme, and to provide free Bojangles. 

Who doesn't want delicious chicken and warm biscuits at 9pm? 

If I'm wrong, then you've never had Bojangles before and that's too bad. 

Nighty night!